New Milton Advertiser - Coping With Loss 2021

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COPING WITH YOUR LOSS

Writing a Letter of Condolence A lthough they are some of the most difficult letters to write, a sensitive letter following a bereavement can bring great solace. People gain real comfort from reading them, particularly in the lonely hours during the night when sleep is impossible.

The most difficult letters to write are those when the death involves a younger person or a sudden death such as a car accident or suicide. It feels easier and more natural to write a letter about an older person, who has had a long, fulfilled life and may have died after a short illness. Younger people tend to add their thoughts about the deceased onto social networking sites such as Facebook, but a condolence letter or card is a tangible acknowledgement, which can be re-read many times and treasured. Start off to say how sorry (or shocked, depending on the nature of the death) you are to hear of the death of the person and mention then by name.

Depending on how well you knew them, it is good to note any special qualities that the person may have had. It is nice to include a good or happy memory you have of the person that has died. It may be that the person you are writing to isn’t aware of your memory and can add it to their own treasured memories and have a smile about it. You might want to mention the qualities of the person you are writing to that may help them through this time. You might also want to mention the happy memories of the deceased that will help sustain them in the future.

Offer help if practical, but make sure it is specific and not the ‘ring me if I can help’ type of offer. This may be just to drop a meal around, do some shopping or help with arrangements for the funeral. Beware of adding poems or inspirational quotes to your letter. One of the visitors to our site had lost a teenage daughter and was deeply hurt and insulted by a relative sending him a copy of the ‘Child Loaned’ poem. Only send something if you know the person well and you feel the words will offer genuine comfort. It may be more helpful to point out where they can find comforting and inspirational words if they are looking for them.

Say that you are thinking of them and the family at this difficult time.