Out & About Summer 2019

MENTAL HEALTH

Recovery in mind ANGELA RYAN, founder of Newbury-based Recovery in Mind, a centre that provides help and courses for those suffering from mental illness and which is supported by NHS healthcare professionals, shares her own mental health challenges

F or the first two years of my mental illness I was drowning in a sense of shame and ‘self-stigma’. It didn’t matter what anyone said whether they were a friend, family member or mental health professional, it was what I felt very deeply and strongly. Not once did any of these

feedback. Not one said ‘Yeah you are a bit pathetic and weak having a mental illness’. By gathering the evidence myself, I could start to shrug off that cloak of stigma and shame. Once I had tested the waters I started to speak to a large groups of NHS staff about my experiences. I was shocked to see their reaction as I told them about my journey and

supporters say, ‘Well it is your fault’ or ‘You are being weak and pathetic’, but that’s what I imagined them saying and so I was convinced that these would be their comments and ones that I too shared about myself. In fact, the stigma came from me. I lacked any self-compassion and was thoroughly unpleasant to myself. I was suffering enough with the depression and psychosis but my own ‘self-stigma’ made it worse. Instead of being my own best supporter, I became my own worst enemy. The stigma came from me. I would say things to myself that I knew would never ever come from my well- meaning supporters. So I call it my ‘self-stigma’. Shame is also a debilitating and overwhelming emotion that too comes with nothing but negativity. I blamed myself and felt ashamed for my illness. These are thoughts and feelings that are very common to people who have mental health difficulties. Its back to that broken-leg analogy. Sitting in A&E with a plaster cast wrapped around my painful leg, I would never say to myself, ‘Well it is your fault’ or ‘You are being weak and pathetic’, but with mental health problems we add to our pain by shrouding ourselves with that coat of shame and stigma. So how did I learn to change my thinking and allow myself to shrug off that coat? Well, firstly it’s not easy and, secondly, parts of my own approach are a bit different. I started out by speaking with family and friends about how I felt and what I thought they might be thinking. And of course, I had nothing but supportive, kind and understanding

subsequent slow recovery. At one of my first ‘ public

engagements’ I watched a group of staff cry, moved by my struggles and description of living with

psychosis. This really surprised me and again their feedback was kind and compassionate, and they all said it gave them a new understanding of how they might be more supportive of people living with mental health difficulties. So I found the strength and, by sharing my own unique experiences, I began to grow in confidence again. What I have is my own ‘lived-experience’ of mental health challenges. It has been like a gift that I now use for the benefit of others. As lead trainer of Recovery in Mind, the organisation I started in 2016 to help support people living in West Berkshire improve their mental health, I use my own ‘lived-experience’ to cut through the bindweed of the shame and stigma and to help empower others to use theirs. Many of our students attending the courses report back saying that they consequently feel able to talk openly about their difficulties with family, friends and even employers if appropriate. If you are on the receiving end of such a conversation, just by the simple act of listening you are helping another small step on that person’s recovery journey. You don’t need to give wise advice or ‘the answers’ – put your listening ears on, pay attention and tune in.

Recoveryinmind.ord.uk • Follow AngelaRinm2016 on twitter

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O&A SUMMER 2019